I really feel that this thought of a nuclear family has been running the lives of the American population for way too long. The idea of having 2.5 children, a picket fence, and the perfect housewife preparing her man’s dinner is not, and never will be, a reality for most people in this world, and that is WONDERFUL! Why does anyone want to be the same as everyone else…as Mark Twain once said, “conform and be dull.”
It has been this idea of the American Dream and the nuclear family that has taught men, and plagued them simultaneously with the notion of being the head of the household. In Transformation of Family Life by Lillian B. Rubin she quotes men who feel like they are expected to be the “bread winners” among their families. In regards to his wife working, one man responds that “she doesn’t have to do it. It’s not her job to have to be working; it’s mine. I’ve got to be responsible for that, not her. And that makes one damn big difference.” (Disch, pg. 304)
This is just it! Who is responsible and how does this sense of responsibility shape familial patterns in the home and in the workplace. Rubin explains how in the past there was a “clear understanding about the obligations and entitlements each partner took when married.” (Pg. 305) I mean, this would translate into how the woman was expected to cook and clean, while the man takes on a 9-5 job. However, today more and more women are working outside of the home, but yet domestic work is still considered their responsibility as well. I mean it comes down to human rights really, where if two people agree to share their lives with one another, isn’t it justifiable that they are legally bound to share both economic and domestic responsibilities with one another as well? And if a woman shares that economic part, why shouldn’t a man share the domesticity of household living? It seems only fare, doesn’t it?
What I thought was so funny about many of the readings pertaining to this aspect of the obligations within the home and how they are organized, is that most men argue that “their responsibility s breadwinner burdens them in ways that are alien to their wives.” (Pg. 306) Therefore they do not have the energy to help around the house. You know, part of me wants to agree that the societal affects on people’s minds, be it through media, and most especially through verbal interactions with friends and family, do indeed shape what we think and how we lead our lives. If that is the case, then yes, I agree that it is hard to take the path less taken and defy what everyone and everything around you tells you what is right. This stress put upon men to be the man is extremely psychologically influential, which is most likely why men who are economically less successful tend to turn to verbal and physical violence of their partners. This idea that they are not living up to their responsibilities as a man could be hugely detrimental to anyone really. It means that you are almost considered subhuman, because the idea is that everyone can be successful, and if you aren’t people consider you a failure to humanity. Or at least I would figure that that is what these people feel of themselves anyhow.
On the other hand, after such women’s right’s movements and of how common it is to see a powerful woman in today’s modern world, why do men still feel personally obligated when women have begun to lead independent lives? I would argue generational affects. My generation is less concerned with being “men” than the one before me, and I would even argue that being a man to my father is different than to his father. The farther back in time you travel, before woman starting rallying for their independence from a patriarchal monarchy in the home (and elsewhere), the closer you get to the origin of “being a man.” Audre Lorde addresses this idea in her article Man Child where she askes, “what does ‘acting like a man’ mean?” (pg. 332)
I mean, what does that mean truly? What is a “man?” I guess it all depends on what geographic you grow up in, as to what constitutes the masculine role within the nuclear family. And what if there is no father is a family, who then has to take on the “man” role? Better yet, who feels responsible to do so, and who pressures them, whether it is induced by familial or society factors???
Can it be argued that I will never be a “man” because I will never have a wife? I guess that is one of the biggest claims of homophobic people, who discriminate against gay people under the false pretense that we are not necessarily living up to the societal standards, so therefore we are not justifiably the same as them. However, is it not enough for me to be able to pay my taxes just like everyone else and to provide for my loved ones just like a “normal” (for the lack of a better term) family? If I live up to every damn law that is enforced on every other citizen of the United States, why then am I still exempt from being fully, truly, and completely equal?
I guess I am just stuck on this thought…am I a man? I know I am sexually a male, but am I considered a man via the socially constructed US standards? Do I play sports? No, not really. Do I oppress all my emotions? No. Do I have sex with women? No. Do I support my family economically? No. Better yet, how many straight men would answer no to many, if not all, of these questions as well. Are they not considered men either? Hmmm, just something to think about.
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